Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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