we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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