he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
