I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize