He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
