i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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