omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
