I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
