i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
