The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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