Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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