I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
