i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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