winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
