She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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