Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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