turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is classic penis vs brain.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
