Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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