GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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