i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found your dick twin last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize