I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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