worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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