I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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