well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
