I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
