you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
