Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
