if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He keeps bees of course he's weird
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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