Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
