so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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