So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
