So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
