I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
