Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
