Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
