ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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