I wish my penis had an off switch
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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