You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
