I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's blow job season.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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