a search helicopter?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
