Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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