I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
