Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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