I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
