I wanna passion pit in your ass
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
