she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
