My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
