How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
