You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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