I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
