i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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