you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize