it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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