I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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