woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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