Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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