I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
