Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Prob not but she was surprised

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  (773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate" (312): Prob not but she was surprised http://tfl.nu/a9jx
  Replies (2) Good night (1690) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.

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  (781): So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets. http://tfl.nu/zt9l
  Replies (12) Good night (564) Bad night (4852)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.

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  (419): The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/0i2s
  Replies (25) Good night (4518) Bad night (1424)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

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  (765): He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina... http://tfl.nu/78ky
  Replies (19) Good night (1879) Bad night (7363)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.

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  (619): im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull. http://tfl.nu/oak8
  Replies (9) Good night (4946) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.

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  (508): we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos. http://tfl.nu/o4i1
  Replies (25) Good night (3333) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.

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  (212): Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom. http://tfl.nu/fuov
  Replies (19) Good night (896) Bad night (4681)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?

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  (401): he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid? http://tfl.nu/msiw
  Replies (8) Good night (2046) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom

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  (248): Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom http://tfl.nu/u2bm
  Replies (5) Good night (736) Bad night (1700)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.

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  (404): If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you. http://tfl.nu/1sgs
  Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.

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  (610): How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you. http://tfl.nu/fpwy
  Replies (8) Good night (2432) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.

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  (317): Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices. http://tfl.nu/v5r6
  Replies (3) Good night (1040) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.

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  (305): Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized. http://tfl.nu/vgu8
  Replies (7) Good night (568) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life

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  (248): I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life http://tfl.nu/uyc5
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?

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  (508): I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK? http://tfl.nu/s17s
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (229)

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