I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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