I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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