Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book

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(720): View more from Colorado

i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(605): View more from South Dakota

I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.

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(740): View more from Ohio

well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."

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(504): View more from Louisiana

This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.

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(314): View more from Missouri

He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?

(508): View more from Massachusetts

We'll discuss it when you get here

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