my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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