Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

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  (440): I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet http://tfl.nu/p3em
  Replies (27) Good night (6403) Bad night (797)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks

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  (717): i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks http://tfl.nu/zwks
  Replies (30) Good night (5343) Bad night (735)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

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  (913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx
  Replies (18) Good night (9669) Bad night (863)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?

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  (609): How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does? http://tfl.nu/dymy
  Replies (46) Good night (721) Bad night (6044)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

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  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12744) Bad night (1756)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

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  (216): I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance. http://tfl.nu/bz9b
  Replies (14) Good night (1427) Bad night (4399)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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  (270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6
  Replies (8) Good night (5416) Bad night (1581)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.

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  (904): Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/n05i
  Replies (9) Good night (3716) Bad night (1104)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.

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  (402): She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party. http://tfl.nu/tru3
  Replies (7) Good night (1901) Bad night (523)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.

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  (+61): Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night. http://tfl.nu/mvw7
  Replies (7) Good night (2675) Bad night (479)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".

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  (301): He said it. He actually said "yes it's in". http://tfl.nu/w699
  Replies (7) Good night (644) Bad night (2181)
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  (805): View more from California

  Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next

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  (805): Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next http://tfl.nu/au7a
  Replies (1) Good night (933) Bad night (357)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia

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  (972): On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia http://tfl.nu/s5pu
  Replies (6) Good night (292) Bad night (936)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.

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  (318): Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows. http://tfl.nu/7891
  Replies (0) Good night (595) Bad night (351)
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  (805): View more from California

  Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run

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  (805): Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run http://tfl.nu/snuu
  Replies (3) Good night (371) Bad night (308)

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