I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
