Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out

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(334): I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out http://tfl.nu/mv9d

Replies (42) Good night (837) Bad night (3748)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

(973): View more from New Jersey

i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

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(973): can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters (973): i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet http://tfl.nu/povn

Replies (11) Good night (2416) Bad night (908)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"

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(703): I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila" http://tfl.nu/s09r

Replies (11) Good night (4706) Bad night (1008)
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(714): View more from California

I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.

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(714): I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom. http://tfl.nu/8p10

Replies (19) Good night (3819) Bad night (1540)
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(607): View more from New York

I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.

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(607): I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex. http://tfl.nu/9fy5

Replies (14) Good night (4347) Bad night (824)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN

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(301): Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN http://tfl.nu/2m0y

Replies (17) Good night (1985) Bad night (711)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.

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(205): Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it. http://tfl.nu/qoct

Replies (15) Good night (2321) Bad night (659)
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(607): View more from New York

I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.

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(607): I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable. http://tfl.nu/31u9

Replies (9) Good night (460) Bad night (1446)
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(812): View more from Indiana

It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.

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(812): It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus. http://tfl.nu/yin3

Replies (16) Good night (568) Bad night (2171)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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(202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd

Replies (10) Good night (1928) Bad night (519)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high

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(608): The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high http://tfl.nu/8rya

Replies (4) Good night (1516) Bad night (494)
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(773): View more from Illinois

What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.

(773): View more from Illinois

We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?

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(773): What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat. (1-773): Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious. (773): We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru? http://tfl.nu/d3s4

Replies (7) Good night (1455) Bad night (428)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

By a pack of ravenous dildos

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(615): Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right? (1-615): By a pack of ravenous dildos http://tfl.nu/hx21

Replies (3) Good night (2051) Bad night (459)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

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(832): Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem http://tfl.nu/ll71

Replies (6) Good night (3208) Bad night (641)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop

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(610): you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop http://tfl.nu/ld3s

Replies (7) Good night (604) Bad night (1228)

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