Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.

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(406): View more from Montana

he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.

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(914): View more from New York

you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

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29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Read it at the TFLN blog
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

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(407): View more from Florida

I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.

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(315): View more from New York

i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.

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(310): View more from California

I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.

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