and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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