Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
