the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
